Never a true Hero
by Kifira
Summary: A very high. PG-13 or very low R.Gyffindor Tower is attacked, and Harry fights for everything he loves, and loses.


****

Never a True hero.

Hogwarts was once a save haven for those who fought in the war. It was a constant reminder of what we were fighting for. It reminded us that there was still some good in the world. But that ended when, Voldemort, in a last desperate attempt to regain control, attacked the school. I was in my seventh year, and had just returned from the fighting in Diagon Ally. It was peaceful there, or at least, more peaceful then the war front I had just left.

Laughter echoed from the walls, and it seemed as if it was a whole different world there. 

I was sitting in the common room with Ron, Hermione and Ginny, who thankfully had been able to stay out of the fighting so far. I remember feeling jealous, they didn't have the war scars I had.

  
**I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone**  


There was a large explosion outside, And I can still feel Ginny's hair as a leaned over her to see out of the window. The outer wall had been breached by figures in black. Dementors and Deatheaters were flowing in to the school as water into a bowl. I remember running to the door and screaming for all the students to barricade themselves in the common room. 

  
**These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase**

I rushed the students in to the common room and started throwing furniture and building a wall of chairs and tables, in a vain hope that it would protect us. I remember Ron and Hermione coming to help. I remember Ginny's southing voice as she tried to comfort the first years. I remember how Neville looked to me for support, and how Dean and Seamus got down on their knees and prayed. I remember pulling them up, screaming at them to prepare themselves. I remember telling Ginny to get the little ones out through the secret passage, and screaming for third years and up to get ready to fight.

I screamed a lot that day.  
  
  
**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me  
**

They didn't start soft. They blew up the door. They blew up the entire wall. I called for the student to fire whatever they could. NOW NOW NOW. Many fell before they could utter anything. I saw the green flashes of unforgivable curses, of killing and pain. I heard Hermione fall, and Ron go mad. I saw how they went for the secret passage out, and start killing off the first years. I saw how they pulled Ginny out screaming, and rip off her clothes. He lowered her to the ground. I remember screaming as they hit me, tied me up. I remember the calm after the battle. I remember sitting in a corner, tied up and defenseless. Looking in vain for any survives. There was a couple. 

Ron on the other side of the room, banging his head against the wall, and screaming to get out of his head. 

Ginny was still under the death eater. She looked at me. I have never seen such pain, such empty eyes. They closed, and the death eater pulled out his wand, and there was a flash of green light.

Neville didn't have an eye or arm, he was lying on the ground, but I could see him breathing.

I could see little bodies in the passage way, in a pile. I hoped some had been able to run.

  
You used to captivate me  
By your resonating life  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me  


I hears voices out side what used to be the common room door. Too late. They were too late.

****

  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

I lost my temper. I admit, it was a very stupid thing to do. Behind my tears I saw green light flood from my hand, freeing me them spreading to the death eaters trying to get away. Once they were dead, I left to seek my vengeance**  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me**

I found him in the shrieking shack. A little rat must have told him how to get in. And, once again, I admit, I lost my temper. And in a flash of blinding green and red light. He was gone. I had killed 6 men and a monster tonight. And I felt no better than before.

  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along  


****

They called me a hero. But I wasn't. I never will be. Heroes don't live. Heroes die. I've know many heroes in my life.

Too many.

****

  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me

What good is honor. What good is life when everything you have ever know and ever wanted is gone. What is the need to live. For ten years I looked. And now, sitting in my Father's castle, I no longer look. 

There is no reason. None at all.

So, looking out over the side of the window, into the rocky cliff the castle faces, I make a final choice.

True heroes aren't honored. However much they should be. True heroes do what is right. True heroes would rather die then be the most celebrated figure in the history of the world.

Pity I never wanted to be hero. I still don't.

And I fall.


End file.
